That fateful day started out much the same as any other first day of school would: the sleeping through my alarm clock, the one strand of hair that refuses to lie flat despite superfluous efforts, nearly skipping breakfast just to be sure to catch the bus on time. Yes, definitely a normal day except for one thing; him, sitting one seat back and one seat over on the bus. I couldn't remember having seen him before, so he was either much older than me or a new student. His hair was nearly as dark as mine, and chopped haphazardly so that pieces grazed his jaw line, with forest green eyes that were only dulled because of the bored expression that played across his face. He was positively and most definitely the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life.
Normally, in this type of situation, I would be so shy and awkward that my next move would have shocked me, but I suddenly got an urge of confidence and plunked down in the seat next to him, bad hair and all.
“Mind if I sit here? There really isn't room anywhere else,” I asked, which was a lie, seeing as how the bus was only half full. He just turned his head towards me and nodded, then went back to staring out the window. I probably sounded petulant, but I was determined, suddenly, to make this kid talk to me, as if a higher clout wanted me to.
“I’m Charlotte, by the way. Are you new here? I don’t think I've ever seen you before.”
He didn't answer, so I was just about to ask again when he turned and said, “Oh, um, Devin. Yeah, I am new here. Are you a freshman, too?”
Oh, his name was Devin. How very interesting. And he was a freshman and new, so that means he probably needed some friends. I was practically reeling, already thinking of how he and I could grow into being friends, and then maybe something more.
“Um, are you a freshman, too?” he asked again, and I snapped back to reality.
“Yeah, I am a freshman. So, since you’re new here, have you made any friends yet?”
“Uh, well, not really, no,” Devin stammered, and then quickly looked away from me. I wondered if he was just very shy, or if maybe he thought that I was being too pushy.
"Well, if you're ever looking for someone to talk to, you can talk with me about it," I said, hoping that I didn't sound like a desperate person. Surprisingly, though, he turned to look at me fully, and a small smile played across his face that nearly melted me like butter.
"Thanks, Charlotte," he said, not a trace of embarrassment this time, and then we both stood up at the exact same time to get off of the bus, which I hadn't even realized had reached the school.
Over the next few months, Devin and I really did start to become friends; he had his other friends, and I had mine, so we were really more of an over sized freshman friendship circle. He still gave me chills every time he smiled or looked right at me, but I assumed that he still had no clue that I secretly liked him, even as we entered sophomore year. Then came another day that changed my life forever. Of course, it was February 14th, Valentine's Day, and our whole group was out at Friendly's for ice cream. I still had my short hair, but Devin's was in the in between stage of good long and in need of a haircut.
After everyone had ordered, Devin asked me if he could talk to me alone about something.
"So, what's up?" I asked once we had retired to a more private booth in the back. He seemed almost nervous and anxious, like the first day we met, and his eyes were more radiant against his skin than ever.
"Um, Charlotte? We're good friends, right?" he asked/stated nervously, almost waiting for an answer. He was the picture of humility, and I couldn't help but wonder why.
"Well, yea, I would hope so after knowing each other for a year and a half now," I answered jokingly. "Why? What's bothering you?"
"It's just that- um...." His voice actually started to shake a little as he talked. "Okay, I'm just gonna say it. Charlotte, will you be my girlfriend?"
I sat there, staring at his pleading and beautiful face, the impromptu question still ringing in my ears, completely in shock. My answer, after a good ten seconds of being dumbfounded, was a hysterical "YES! Oh my God, why didn't you say something sooner?", the best hug I had ever and probably will ever give, and the look on every one's faces when we walked back to the table with interlocking fingers. Following that day, Devin and I were practically inseparable, going to movies, parties, late-night snack drives; you name it, we did it about ten times. Our first kiss came at my birthday party, which was combined with our three month anniversary, and every day I saw him could never be a bad one. As our friends dated, broke up, and got back together, we were a permanent couple, lasting through junior and most of senior year. Then prom night came, and my perfect world was shattered.
Of course, Devin and I went together, complete with the limousine, the corsage, the pink dress with all kinds of embellishments, and the fancy dinner for two. All during dinner was one of the happiest times of my life, one of the very rare times that Devin and I got to be alone and just talk; but I couldn't help but notice how nervous he seemed despite all the fun we were having.
"Devin, are you okay? You seem, different, somehow," I asked just after our desserts arrived. Instead of answering, he just cast his eyes down and shoved a much too large piece of tiramisu into his mouth. "Devin? Honestly, what's up? You can tell me."
He chewed the bite slowly, then swallowed and said, with the new found confidence he somehow mustered in these situations, "It's nothing. You'll find out soon enough." After he said this, he reached into his pocket and placed something in a small box on the table to get to his wallet to pay.
After dinner, on our way back to the limo to get to prom, Devin suddenly realized that he had left something at the table we were sitting at, that small box; I wondered what could possibly be in it. The parking lot for the restaurant had been packed, so the driver had to go across the street in order to park. When we had crossed over and on the way back, both Devin and I had checked that there weren't any cars coming, but I guess he was just in such a hurry to get whatever it was that he forgot. He made it across just fine, got whatever he left, and was halfway across the street again before I noticed the pickup truck coming from the opposite direction, heading straight for him.
"DEVIN, RUN!" I shrilled hysterically, which only made him stop and look at me with a confused countenance. I think he only had time to hear the cacophony of the truck's blaring horn and turn for one second before it crashed into him, sending him flying at least ten feet farther into the road. The truck finally screeched to a halt, but Devin just lay there, completely motionless.
"OH MY GOD, NO!" I sobbed, kicking off my heels and sprinting towards him, sitting on the ground next to him with his head in my lap, using my dress as a poultice. He was mumbling something, but all I could make out was the word "love" as I cried and tried to tell him to hang on. He was still clutching the small box like his life depended on it, even though it was really my life that depended on his. The paramedics finally came, and when they lifted him off of me there was a horrible blood stain on my dress where his head had been. My parents came to get me, and I spent the next day between sleeping and sobbing until I could see him in the hospital.
After the most horrible night of my life, after seeing for an instant those green eyes I treasured so much wide in true fear, the phone rang. I rolled out of bed to answer it, hoping that it would be good news, but my dad got there first. His face said everything; something was definitely not alright with Devin.
"Charlotte, honey," he practically whispered, probably trying not to upset me, " that was the hospital just now. They said that.... due to the way he was hit, the force of the impact was too much for him and- they said he had a ring in his hand when they examined him, they think he was going to give it to you." Pause. "Charlotte, he's gone."
"Gone?" I moaned, and then the tacit truth became clear: he was dead, all for a ring that had been meant for me. I started sobbing and cursing and hyperventilating all over again. He wanted to marry me; the love of my life, since the first minute I saw him; those eyes that had been haunting me all night were closed forever.
Now, many years later, I have just started to be able to live with the pain of knowing I will never get to see him again, of that irrevocable prom night. I kept everything that I ever had having to do with him: all my pictures of him and I, just him, the cards, notes, other things he wrote me. And I still have my prom dress to this day, blood stain and all, a vivid reminder of the one person in this world who I had ever truly loved. But whenever I think of Devin, instead of the last night we spent together, I prefer to think of my happiest memory of him: the first time I say him on the bus that day, and just tried to be nice.
